


Hard to Get

by Meilinfan



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Awkward OC, Extra, F/M, First Love, Pre-Canon, Two-Shot, pre WWI, wwi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 05:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16130270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meilinfan/pseuds/Meilinfan
Summary: Anna Black liked book, maybe because of this her standards in man was quite high. She had never imagine that life would give her as a prince charming, John Shelby. But, then, it was Birmingham.





	Hard to Get

**_Mark Twain_ **

_"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. »_

 

* * *

**1908**

Anna Black had something rare for her age, common sense. Her grandmother would often say that she had an old soul, her brothers just said she was boring. Both were pretty correct in her opinion, she was boring because she had common sense. When she was a child, everything was easier, going out meant playing hide and seek, boys were childish and yucky. Now it was harder, there was hormones, everyone became stupid because of it. Romance made girls foolish, she didn't want to generalize her whole gender, but even the most intelligent girl she had met, lost some of their composure in front of an attractive man. Boys had become worse, doing dumb bet, shagging girls left and right like some sort of accomplishment, well there was also other girls like this, but the smart one did it secretly, the dumb one were considered easy girl, and their marriage prospect became close to nonexistent, which was unfair in her opinion.

She preferred books, historical books, fantasy books, romance books…everything was better in it. Maybe it was because of it that she became insensible to the real boy? In book, the love interest was a man, charismatic, funny, courageous, had their fault, but had a good heart. And they were a man, not a lanky boy searching a quick shag to win a stupid bet. Not like John Shelby.

She was reading on a bench, her grandmother telling her to go out and enjoy her youth. In the other side of the road, were the Shelby and their friends, they were the worst in her opinion, always fighting, getting in trouble, the monkeys in their mountain. She had been startled by a loud laugh, and lift her head from her book to see what had caused this commotion. Anna had been unsurprised when she realized that it was from the Shelby & co, one of them were pointing at her, making John look at her. Their eyes met, and Anna had the suspicion that she was the next target of « who would kiss the most girl », and hoped she conveyed all her exasperation in her eyes, she was not amused by this game. Unfortunately, the boy was thick, and grinned at his friends before coming at her.

Anna had been determinate to ignore John, she was good a cutting off the outside world. But the boy liked the sound of his own voice more than he was deterred by her indifference. Maybe she was belittling him, but he was a child, she was a child, why would a child try to kiss another one? Or seduce her? It was ridiculous, she was even taller than him, and his flat caps made him looked even younger, like a child wearing their parents' clothes to emulate them. She had tried to seat farther away, but he joined her, glared at him, but he beamed at her. And then she just walked away, but John followed her. Talking more and more loudly, attracting eyes of the bystanders, making her embarrassed by the attention. Anna finally stopped, facing John, who bumped into her, startled by her abrupt stop.

« What do you want? »

« Nothing, just wondering with the guys what you were reading. » he lied, there was only one school in their town, so school was mixed, and Anna knew more than anyone, that John Shelby didn't give a fuck about book. But she humored him, hoping he would go away.

« Ancient civilizations in Europe. » she showed the cover. « It has more than three hundred pages, and weight two kilos, if used well, it can knock someone down. » she threatened.

« I thought a book used well, was a book well read? » Her threat was working, Anna wouldn't have felt threatened in his place too, with her braids, the ribbons in her hair and the cute dress, she should have been born a boy.

« I am good at recycling. » she answered before leaving, enjoying her youth must have had an entire different meaning in her grandmother time, because it definitely wasn't what Grandmother would have thought when she told her to go out.

 

* * *

John's pride must have gotten bruised, she had heard laughter when she left him on the street the last time they met, but didn't think much of it. But maybe she should have just kissed him and be done with it, she'd have just been another name in his list and he would forget her. Now it seemed that he was determinate to get it from her, always coming at the book shop she worked in, lurking around without talking to her. Until one day, feet heavy, echoing in the wall of the shop, he came in, like a man on a mission, followed by his brother, which one she didn't know.

« Hey Anna, fancy seeing you here. » John had greeted her, as if it wasn't her family's bookstore and as if he hadn't been silently lurking in it for days.

« Hello, what can I do for you? » beside kissing you, or shagging you, or god know what you betted with you friends, she wanted to add.

« Well, you like books, I was wondering if you had any suggestions for me. »

« Depend, do you have a preferred genre? »

« Actions, maybe. » he shrugged. « I'm confident in your taste. What is your favorite book? » John asked, not even looking at her. She had brothers, she knew their tactic to seduce a girl, fake interest is the worst.

« David Copperfield, The adventures of Tom Sawyer, and the adventure of Huckleberry Finn. » she answered nonetheless.

« I'll take the David Copperfield one, please. »

« Alright. And you? Do you desire something? » she turned toward the other Shelby, he must be Thomas, maybe.

« No it's alright, I was just coming with him. »

Anna swiftly put the book in the bag, collecting the money and giving back the change. Well, at least the bought something.

 

* * *

John Shelby come back a few weeks later at the bookstore, she had saw him reading the book, struggling, and felt bad for not giving something easier. Anna began to doubt his intentions, at first she thought he was only faking it, but past a few days, she knew he was genuinely trying to read it. Honestly, she was too paranoid for her own good, obviously he was too young to flirt with her, maybe he wanted to ask a service. Or maybe not, she thought when she caught him kissing Lizzie on a wall. Anna wasn't used to get this worked up for anything, and even less for a boy, and decided to do what she had always done, act as if nothing happened, normally, until everything made sense again.

So when he came in, she greeted him with a smile, as if he was like any other customer.

« I finished it. »

« Did you like it? » she politely asked.

« It was different, more something Tommy would read, he is the smart one. »

« Maybe, but everyone should think about it. It makes some interesting point. »

« Do you always read this type of book? » was it real or fake interest, she pushed the question on the back of her mind, polite conversation, she could do it.

« Surprised? I have family in France, and my cousins always read me Voltaire or any philosopher they liked. »

« France, how is it? »

« It's pretty, different, but at the same time the same. I have some postcard. » she showed, and pictures, but she'd rather not show them to him.

It was a bit awkward, with some blanks, Anna had been hoping he would have left when there was one, but he stayed until her grandmother came to the bookstore, leaving with a new book.

 

* * *

« Are you interested in the Shelby boy? » asked Grandmother Shelly.

« Of course not, they are trouble. He is just buying book. »

« Common sense Anna, is your weapon. Don't be foolish. Enjoy your youth with a baker's son or something in the same range. »

« I know, and I'm still too young to love anyone like this. »

Grandmother Shelly was a strong woman, raising her son alone when her husband died, priding herself of always having an honest job and never an horizontal one, ever. She always said that marriage had costed more strong woman than war and illness, and as her sole granddaughter, she taught her not to lose herself because of love or god forbid, a man.

Anna was smart, she'd be a nurse, at the very least, she didn't have time to lose because of a boy.

 

* * *

**1911**

They didn't talk beside at the bookstore, he didn't come talk to her, and she never initiated the first contact apart when she was working. It had been an unspoken rule for years. Until a friday night, she was going home late at night, having to do some cleanup at the library, it was getting dark, and her brothers had left town for their job, her grandmother's health was failing, and she stayed at home more often than not. Anna was walking in the dark streets of Birmingham, it was not the first time, but she walked fast. It was not a place to linger be it by day, or by night. And her worried were confirmed when drunk men walked toward her. Trying to make herself appear as little as possible, she sped up, avoiding eye contact.

« Pretty lady, how much for a round? » The man slurred, arm around her shoulder.

« I'm afraid I'm not a whore, but there is whore house just a few streets away. » She said trying to dislodge the arm from her shoulder.

« But it is you that I want. » He whined, breath stinking from the alcohol.

« Yeah, give us a quickie, in exchange we can also take you home, the streets aren't sure for a girl like you. »

Disgusting, thanking her brothers for teaching her some moves, she head butted the first man, and punched the other in the throat, before quickly running away. She was too far away from home, should she try to go to a pub and hope someone would help her? She had nearly arrived to a bar, when the men caught her. Her head slammed on a wall, and she must have bitten the inside of her cheeks because she felt the metallic taste of blood in her mouth. She opened her mouth to scream, but a hand muzzled her. Anna was a fighter, she scratched the hand and bit everything she could and finally escaped from his grasp. Anna grabbed her fallen bag, which contained two fairly heavy books, had used it as some sort of hammer.

« Help! »

It was dark, and she had difficulty to aim well, it wasn't surprising when one of the assailant succeeded in taking the bag away from her, and bashed her head on the wall. It was painful, her head was spinning, she'd get raped in a dark alley because she was weak and because the citizens of this town were cowardly scums. She hated herself for tearing up at the morbid thought, and tried to keep herself awake to keep fighting, she was a Black, Black and blue, but always on top as her brothers always said. Adrenaline pumping in her blood, she seized a fallen book and struck the head of the man sitting on her with it, but she didn't have enough strength to knock him away from her, and only made him angrier at her.

« You've pissed me off bitch! » He roared, hands on her shirt, ready to tear it apart, and she could only glare at him through her tears.

« What the fuck are you doing! » screamed a voice she barely recognize, the newcomer grabbed the man away from her body, and threw him away. He was quickly followed by two others men while he leaned down to check on her.

« You weren't kidding when you said you were good at recycling. »

 

* * *

Anna heard before passing out, it was just like Birmingham to have a gangster as a prince charming.

Anna woke up with her head throbbing, in a room she didn't recognize. The memory of what happened came back, she would have to find a way to thanks the Shelby for this, they even bandaged her head. She got out of the bed, head still spinning. Not much time must have passed as it was still dark, she quietly get out of the room, finding it a bit awkward to stay in someone else room, she should leave a not and get home, her grandmother must have been worried. She grimaced a bit when the stairs cracked on her way down.

« You shouldn't move yet. »

Startled she spin towards the voice, it was Thomas Shelby, sitting in a kitchen chair, reading some paper. It was a bit weird to see him serious, the only time she had saw him, he always had a smile on his face.

« I'm alright, I should get back before grandmother worry. » she explained. His eyes were unnerving, too blue, he seemed dangerous in the light of the candle. He had always seemed the less of a Shelby amongst his family, smiling, idealistic, he fought, but not as much as his brother, able to keep his calm whereas Arthur and John let their temper fly freely. But now, Anna caught a glimpse of the ruthless he could be.

« Don't be stupid, it is still dark. We sent someone to alert your grandmother, she couldn't come, but she said you could stay here until morning. »

There was a silence, Anna didn't know what to say, he didn't really talk to anyone, nevertheless boys. She looked around her, trying to do anything but look or talk to Thomas, a figure on the couch caught her eyes. She silently walked toward it, it was John, sleeping on a couch far too small for him, looking uncomfortable.

« Did I take his bed? »

« He insisted, the couch is no place for a lady, he said. »

« I'm not a lady. » she moved her hand to shake him awake, she didn't want to sleep, and if she did the couch would be enough for her.

« Stop, let him sleep, it was a rough day for him. »

« Thanks you. » she said as she sat on the sit in front of his. « For helping me. » she clarified.

« Thanks John, it was him who heard you. Dashed out before we could react. »

« I will. »

« You fought well, I only caught a glimpse, your brothers' influence? »

Anna chuckled, for all their fault, her brothers had their use, mainly how to hit hard and fast and then run away.

« Yes, I'm glad they forced me to learnt it. »

« For the greatest misfortune of all the boys you knock out at school. »

Anna blushed at the memory, violence weren't a woman's weapon had always said her mother, not ladylike, Grandmother Shelly said the same, but added to do it secretly.

« He likes you. If you don't you should end it cleanly, no loose threads. »

She wasn't expecting him to say it, or say it now, in this way.

« You're not surprised? »

« A bit, I never thought that John came to see because he loved books, but I never thought that he would do more than fancy me and try to get laid. »

« Books for three years? You must be the best shag he will ever have then. Tea? It seems none of us will get any sleep. »

She accepted the cup of tea, absentmindedly stirring it. She was a coward when it come to emotions, she liked to act as if she didn't noticed it, and wait until everything came back to normal, John didn't.

« John is a good boy. »

« I know. »

He had a good heart, he wasn't the worst of the bunch. Anna never expected to even be friend with him, it was just more troublesome than not. But she had gotten used to his companionship, if he flirted she would just ignore it, if he tried to be more than a friendly acquaintance, she would act dumb, and tell herself she had read too many books. It wasn't hard, the bad boy with the bookworm, the bookworm being the damsel in distress because of love interest's fight, always getting herself kidnapped or hurt. And if she told herself that John may genuinely liked her, and that she wouldn't mind falling a bit more for him, then she felt she would follow the same trope, and life wasn't a book with a happy ending.

« So you'll reject him, instead of turning a blind eye? »

She grimaced.

« Was I this obvious? »

« Very, but John is too smitten and prefer to fool himself that he has a chance. »

It was going to be a long night.

 

* * *

She waited until everyone was up to leave. Polly Shelby was an early bird, she was a strong woman, one that her grandmother would have approved of, if she wasn't on the other side of the law. She never could quite understand how a criminal could be catholic, but she kept these thoughts for herself.

« You stayed up all night? » she greeted.

« Yes, I couldn't sleep. Thanks you for tending my wound. »

She dismissed it with a wave of hand.

« It's nothing, my boys are more troublesome every day. You won't stay for breakfast? »

« No, I should hurry home, I just wanted to say my thanks before leaving. »

« To John? » She asked with a knowing look.

« To him too. » Was everyone aware of his crush? She hoped not.

« I heard you talk with Tommy, the boy could never keep his nose out of other's affair. Will you reject him? »

Anna couldn't keep herself from sighing.

« Yes. » She didn't try to elaborate.

« Tommy underestimate John's feeling, I never thought I'd saw one of these boys fell so hard in love. You too, you are belittling him. »

« He is sixteen, I'm only seventeen, we still have a few more years before having to get married. He'll soon forget me, and find himself a nice girl. »

« You talk just like your grandmother. » Polly scoffed. « No one romantic bone in you. You could just humor him, date him, and break up, nobody ask you to get married, and you can just act so despicable that it will be John who break up with you. »

« Maybe, but… » He was easy to love, and she sometimes felt she was more her mother's daughter, foolish in love, loving love, than her grandmother's granddaughter. She didn't wanted to make the foolish choice, dating him even to make him hate her, would blur the boundaries too much, and she feared that she'll fall for him. « But it wouldn't be fair for him. And I'm leaving to London to become a nurse. I won't come back until a few years, if I ever come back. I won't give up my dream for a boy, and John isn't the type for a long distance relationship. »

« A boring choice. » Polly commented, but boring was safe, and she liked safe. « But it's your life. »

Anna left before John woke up.

 

* * *

It had been a month since she made clear that there'll never be anything between the two of them, it had been painful and awkward on both side, and she had felt she had been at one of these determining crossroad, and Anna didn't knew if she had made the good choice. She didn't liked this feeling, crippling doubt, she didn't had time for the what if. In two weeks she would begin her education to become a nurse, and leave Birmingham to London. She was cleaning up the bookstore, putting all the unsold books in boxes, to either give it, or store it away, the bookstore would be loaned in the meantime, maybe even sold. She heard the doorbell tinkled, and smelled the slight scent of cold tobacco, hidden by cologne.

« So you are really leaving? » John munching on of his toothpick . « For London, becoming a nurse. »

« Yes, I'm closing the bookstore, and then to the train station. »

« Need some help? »

« Thanks, but I'm good, I have already sent most of my possession there. Do you want a book? On the house. »

He crunched down next to her, searching in one of the box.

« You know, I never liked book. » he confessed.

Anna chuckled.

« Nobody ever thought you did. »

« I'm taking this. »

Ancient civilizations in Europe, Anna read on the cover, an involuntary smile stretched on her lips, memories still fresh on her mind.

« Your first history book. » she noted.

« The twin of the one you threatened me with. » John was truly handsome when he smiled like this, the light hitting just right in his blue eyes. Hormones, it was only hormones.

She closed the last box, and store it away. Staring at the now empty bookstore was weird, but being with him was even weirder.

« Well, then. This is a goodbye. » Anna felt oddly formal, she regretted not socializing more, farewell with the man who loved him and who she felt a little affection, she didn't know how she was supposed to act, nor what exactly she felt at the moment. There should be tears, if it was in a book, she didn't felt like crying, nor that the situation deserved tears, as she was the one ending the love story before it even began. Should they shake hand?

« Don't worry your little head, I'm not made of glass, a big boy know how to take rejection with grace. »

« First time for everything. You were never quite gracious. » Bantering was good, she could do it this way, and it was easier to act normal.

« Take care Shelby. »

« Take care Black .»

 

* * *

 

**1915**

War. The Great War, as people would later call it. Anna was now a nurse, years had passed faster than she had expected. She had came back to Birmingham to take care of her grandmother, and worked at the hospital. Her brothers had been deployed, it was a stressful for everyone, day by day, waiting for their letter, telling them if they were safe, or if they were dead. Everyday she heard someone cry over a dead soldiers, and Anna could only feel glad that it wasn't Nicolas and Samuel.

Birmingham hadn't changed much since the last time she had been there, fewer men, but crime were the same, men and women were both capable in this field. Anna only caught a glimpse of John, both brothers had been sent to the front too, she saw him shagging Lizzie Stark in a dark alley, she felt weird at the moment, but not hurt. Maybe a part of her was expecting him to still love her, the daydreaming one, but life wasn't a book, distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder. Anna was satisfied with herself when the weird sentiment only lasted a few seconds, before being replaced with indifference with a slight tinge of satisfaction that John had turned the page, as she had. She could get used to this life, and then Grandmother Shelly died.

The funeral was brief, Shelly Black didn't had friends, or maybe she did, but they died before her, she was the only one present at the funeral beside the vicar. In her black dress, with her dark feelings, with a black umbrella in the rain. She mechanically thanked the vicar, before leaving. The sound of her black heels on the paved streets echoed in the empty streets. She abruptly stopped, passed out on the streets, blood gushing out of his head, was John Shelby. He wasn't heavy, but she wasn't strong, she discard her umbrella on the streets, she would need her two hands to carry him. Fortunately they were near her house, but by the time they got here, both were dripping wet. Anna put him down on the couch, changing clothes, and taking those her brothers left behind when they moved out, along as the first aid kit. She changed him, trying to dry him a bit, and bandaged his wound.

It was a bit funny how their role had been reversed, her gangster prince charming had been turned into her damsel in distress. Physically he was now more of a man than a boy, she was forced to admit, even if the personality wasn't quite there, she chuckled at the thought.

« In what mess did you get involved again? » Anna wondered, poking his cheek. « You should know better than to fight without your brothers. »

John had always fought, but now it seemed that these fight involved knife, and maybe even guns, judging by his wounds, and razors stitched in his flat cap.

« You and your brothers, really took the saying armed to the teeth to the letter, you silly boys. Who would even weaponize their hat? »

« Us, because we are just this badass. » John answered her musing, hoping to startle her by the mischievous glint in his eyes, still as childish as the last time they met, Anna fondly thought. She gave him an unimpressed look.

« If you are feeling well enough to try to prank me, then you are well enough to go back home. Your family must be worried sick. »

John sat on the couch, faking moans of pain, she smiled at the scene.

« Great acting. »

« You are leaving for the war too? » The atmosphere became notably more somber at his words. The room was stripped bare, safe from the heaviest furnitures. Her brothers were in the war, her grandmother dead, nothing kept her in Birmingham.

« Yes. »

« I thought you liked safety. »

« I hate feeling useless more. » And maybe she could save her brothers' life.

« I'll join you soon, my letter should arrive. And with a woman like you as a nurse, I'd nearly hope to get injured to be nursed back to health by you. » he joked.

« Don't jinx yourself. I hope you won't be in my care before a long, long time. »

 

* * *

Funnily enough, it was the wrong Shelby brother who ended in her care. She was helping an amputation, when Thomas Shelby came in the tent, covered in blood. As soon as she had finished helping, she rushed toward the man.

« Did you alert his brothers? » Anna asked Jane.

« Didn't know he had any, we'll call them when there is more time and if they are stationed together. You know him? »

« We are from the same town. You should sleep, I'll keep an eyes on the patients. »

Jane nodded gratefully, not searching to ask questions, sleep were precious and sparse in the middle of the war. Anna take the time to examine Thomas, he was older, wearier, his cheeks more hollow, his bandaged chest raising and falling in the rhythm of his pained breath. Multiple bullet wounds, someone had tried to chock him by the state of his throat. His files said he was a tunnelers, one of the worst job possible in this bloody war.

He woke up like all the other soldiers, in panic, arms raised to attack the enemy, eyes wide not recognizing where they were. The carefree man, had changed, like everyone else. Maybe John was the same, in some tents, minds still in the battlefield.

« Calm down, Thomas, you are safe. You are in one of the medical tent, the enemy isn't here. There is no frenchman here. » Anna tried to make her voice as soothing as possible. But Thomas was still panicking.

« Tommy! » It was weird calling him by his nickname, she had never done it before. « Tommy, it's me, Anna Black, from Birmingham, you helped me once, you and your brothers, with you weaponized flat cap. » She tried to joke.

Thomas finally calm down, eyes on her, a hint of recognition in his eyes.

« Didn't expect seeing you here. » his voice was hoarse, she gave him a cup of water which he gratefully accepted.

« I became a nurse, and well, I'm more needed here than in Birmingham. »

« I thought you were the safe kind of girl, you didn't want to date John because he is trouble, but you'll voluntary go to war? You are an odd girl, you know. »

His eyes had lost their innocence, his voice was sharper, colder, the ruthless man she had perceived, hidden in his idealism, was getting more and more present after one year of war.

« I never denied it. I thought I was more of a coward than this. Guess that life likes to prove me wrong. »

« I saw your brothers, they looked as well as they can be. »

Anna smiled gratefully, they weren't sent in the same zone, and letters were scarce.

« Your family is well too, men may think they have the monopoly of crime, but your aunt and sister are proving them wrong. Finn is well too. »

« Is that approval that I hear? » The old Thomas was resurfacing, maybe he wanted to escape a bit from the war, trying to get back to the life before it, even if it was by talking about his family with a barely acquaintance.

« I approve of strong women, even if I don't approve of their activities. »

« Yes, that they are strong. » he mused, thinking about his family.

« Have you met John? He was still quite smitten when you left for London. »

« Are you this bored that you want to try and play matchmaker for your brother? I saw him once, and then I left for war. » He didn't need to know that she found his younger brother bleeding on the sidewalk.

« There is not a lot of distraction here, beside death and guns. Are you thinking of giving him a chance? After the war, dating a gangster will seems like a walk in the park. »

« You, Mister Shelby, are far too interested in my and your brother's love life. And I still haven't changed my mind, I like an uneventful life. And don't you worry about your brother, I caught him at multiples times with Lizzie Stark. »

« From the prudish Anna Black to the not so prudish Lizzie Stark, Johnny boy's taste is wider than the sea. »

« Are you sure you are in a position to mock your brother? From goldie locks Irene, to the fiery red hair Camilla, to the quiet Maria, and the man eating Suzie. Your taste are wider than the sky, Mister Thomas Shelby. »

« You should hold you tongue in front of one of the head of the Peaky Blinders. » He was chattier than usual because of the drugs.

« I'm counting of the brain of the Peaky Blinders to not arm the nurse. Calculated risk. »

« You should give a chance to Johnny, life is short, and we'll protect you. » Thomas said, sobering the atmosphere immediately.

Anna had heard that his lover had died from an illness, and war made everyone realize how short life was, and how precious it was.

« As I already said, Ô brain of the Peaky Blinders, you are far too interested in you brother's love life, people will begin to talk, and you'll become the Bleeding heart of your gang. » she mocked threatened. « If you keep talking, your reputation will crumble. »

« It won't. » he said confidently, before falling asleep.

* * *

 

**1917**

War kept on going, forever and ever, never ending war. Her brothers died, she didn't even had the time to mourn as more injured soldiers came in her tent. Anna didn't know if she had any tears left. She began to hate France, her brothers fought their cousins, both died in a meaningless conflict. If it was up to her, she would just put the presidents of each country in a fighting ring, and let them fight the war between themselves.

It was weird that, in the middle of the war, she got closer to those she had actively avoided in her time in Birmingham. Gangster didn't seemed this dangerous, when they were fighting to protect their country, when you had you hands in their flesh, trying to stop them from bleeding out, and when they come back everyday loosing a bit of themselves.

Her younger self would have been shocked seeing her engaging first contact with one of the Shelby. But, it was not a time to be picky about her company. The two eldest Shelby were pleasant company, Arthur was a flirt, Thomas, him, had lost all sexual appetite with the war. But with them, she could tricked herself in thinking that not everything was rotten, that there was a life after and before this damn war. She learnt that Arthur wanted to own his own pub, and Thomas gave up his dream to work with horse.

Soon they had to split way, Anna was sent to another camp, in a hospital for the more injured one, while Arthur and Thomas dug tunnels. She was assigned to the same zone as John, and had promised to keep an eyes on him. And she could only do this, keep an eyes, she didn't had the time to do anything other than catch a glimpse of him when she had to come to the camp, and even then she wasn't always sure it was him. The only time they could possibly meet, would be if he was injured enough to come to the hospital she worked in, which she hopped would never happen.

She had told John to not be in her care for a long, long time, and here he was, in a bed bullets in him, grasping for breath. She was the nurse assigned to him and other men, waiting for him to wake up.

« France isn't beautiful like in your postcards. » was his greeting.

« Still a smart mouth, I see. »

« I told you it would be worth it to get injured if it means it is you who'll nurse me back to health. »

« Was it worth it then? » she asked, leaning on his bed.

« Every seconds. »

« Smooth talker, you should sleep while you can. » Anna said, ready to get some sleep too.

« Hey. » stopped John. « I really like you. »

Anna froze, it had been more than six years since she rejected him. She turned toward him, and sat on the chair by his side.

« I'm serious, I fighting because I don't want to die, but also because I want to believe in a better future. And I want this future to have you in it. After the war, I want to court you for real, and not do it half heartedly. »

Anna stared at him, his eyes seemed genuine enough, and he wasn't the type to jock about it, especially not in the middle of a war. She may had daydreamed about a life without war, sometimes she was married with child, most of the time, it was his face he pictured. But it was all it was, a daydream. She wouldn't let Thomas's word influence her decision, and she wouldn't date anyone just because she wanted to be love, especially when she wasn't even sure she loved the man back. It was selfish, and it would only end in heartbreak in she went with the flow halfheartedly.

« John, you are the closest thing I have of a childhood friend, and the closest thing that I have experienced on love. But I don't like you in the same way. War is making everyone doing everything. It is the emotions talking, you brushed death ten times a day. »

Soldiers often thought themselves in love with the nurse, but it stopped after the war.

« It's not. » He glared. « I'll prove it to you. »

 

* * *

John stayed a few weeks, and Anna felt like she was sixteen again, wondering how she should act after his declaration, but not wanting to bury her head back into the sand again. She felt his stare when she was reading book to the soldiers, and when she just tending to his wounds, and he never failed to try to woo her. The worst thing, was that she didn't hated it, or hated him. He was funny, he was bright, she knew he cared about her, and she knew that the only thing preventing them to be together, was herself. Anna wasn't even bothered by his job, but she just wondered if it was the right thing, she was her mother's daughter, she liked love, and so she had to be careful not to suffer the same fate as the woman, marrying twice, eloping with a third man, going too fast, being cheated and cheating. Falling in love with John would be easy, she was already on the edge, but falling too deep was what scared her the most.

John smelt her weakness like a shark smelt blood, after all these years, he knew her favorite poem, what she liked and dislikes, when she was sad and needed to laugh. And it only made her feel worse because of how one sided their relationship was.

« Why do you even liked me. » she had asked when she thought he was asleep.

« _Then seek not, sweet, the « If » and « Why ». I love you now until I die. For I must love because I live. And life in me is what you give._ »

« _Because She Would Ask Me Why I Loved Her_ by Christopher John Brennan. You know your poem. »

« I prepared so much of it, everyone was laughing at me, but I told them that I would seduce you with it. Did I succeed? »

Blue eyes starring expectantly at her, a soldier on his bed, reciting poem to the nurse, it was like a scene of a romance book in real life, a safer story than gangster and bookworm. Anna sighed, she was truly her mother's daughter, foolish in love.

« _O, tyrant Love! when held by you. We may to prudence bid adieu._ »

« So is that a yes? »

« Alright John, you made me lose all my common sense. Let's try it, after the war, let's try. But. » she said, clutching his hands, squeezing it slightly. « But, you promise me not to die then. »

« Promise. » he squeezed back, a shit eating grin on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> I just watched Peaky Bliders, and now my imagination is in fire. If the characters seems OOC, keep in mind that it is pre WWI, so the Shelby are more innocent, and I'm still shocked that Tommy was supposed happy and idealistic before the war. (If there is some typo or really OOC, please inform me in a review.)
> 
> This fic was supposed to be TommyXOC, but then it just kind of happened, maybe I'll write a what-if if people are interested in it. Also it was supposed to be a one shot, but I'll write a second part, Hard to get - Him, and maybe some outside POV.
> 
> It is my first try in romance, and well, I may like fluff from time to time, but it is really embarrassing to be the one writing it. So, not really a fluff fic, more like an awkward and serious girl who is lost when it comes to romance.
> 
> Please review and leave kudos if you liked this!


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